“As a lesbian married couple, we both became breastfeeding mothers together.”

We are a married lesbian couple from Berlin-Neukölln. Nicole is 34, Martina 39. Ever since we became a couple, we've wanted to start our own little family.

In February 2019 we decided to pursue our dream of a child with fertility treatment at a Berlin clinic. After IVF, Martina got pregnant on the first attempt.

Already then, we wondered whether I too — as the non-carrying mother — could breastfeed our baby. We quickly came across the topic of induced lactation. For a while the idea moved into the background while we enjoyed the uncomplicated pregnancy. Only about 8 weeks before the due date did we book an appointment with an IBCLC in Berlin.

“You can do it all exactly the way you want.”

We spoke at length about our hopes and ideas for breastfeeding together. By the end, we had a plan we could follow in the weeks leading up to the birth.

The beginning: domperidone, massage, the Baltic Sea

Since we had come to our IBCLC late, I decided to stimulate milk production with domperidone (3 × 30 mg/day) and breast massage. We soon left for a Baltic-Sea holiday — there it was easier to fit 8–12 breast massages into the day.

And sure enough, after about 5 days my breasts produced the first drops of milk.

Back home I bought a double pump. I began pumping in the mornings before work, repeated several times a day, in the evenings as power-pumps. This was when milk production truly took off.

The birth: an overwhelming feeling

When our son was born in January, we already had hundreds of milliliters of my milk frozen. When I latched him on for the first time, still in the delivery room — it was an absolutely overwhelming feeling.

Our son was born in an anthroposophic clinic in Berlin. Even there we were the first lesbian couple to breastfeed together. With our IBCLC's guidance, Martina always nursed first (her milk was just coming in); I followed.

The crisis: three days emotionally on the floor

On day three, Martina's milk came in and Paul's weight steadily climbed. Then, between Paul and me, difficulties began. He refused my breast — at Martina's it was so much easier. I was devastated and felt rejected by our few-day-old baby.

After a day of unsuccessful attempts I decided to take a pause. I talked with our consultant — she supported this, but suggested I keep latching him, even for 30 seconds at a time. We bought a supplemental nursing system.

About 14 days later I lay down in bed with him without thinking, he latched on and nursed lying down, as if nothing else had ever happened. From that moment on, there has been no crisis.

Today: our shared rhythm

Our son is now 6 months old. I breastfeed in the mornings, pump once at work, take over again in the afternoons; we share the nights. There is no competition between Martina and me.

Everyone who hears the story is astonished that breastfeeding without having given birth is even possible.

“Breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition. I'm not sure Nicole and Paul would have this intimate, extraordinarily close bond without it.”

To every lesbian couple and every adoptive mother considering induced lactation: we can only encourage you to take this path. It is worth it.